Lauren Gresty

[1994. This photo was taken at my Aunt’s house - I’m on the far right, with my younger brother and two cousins.]

1988 | Angmering, UK | English & Indian

When I was born my Dad was relieved I didn't look Indian, which is something that really saddens me because I've always wanted to look MORE Indian and is indicative of the racism he's experienced. However, I'm not white 'enough' to be considered white and I would be betraying my heritage if I identified as white. From a young age I felt out-of-sorts; aspects of my appearance didn't really fit with my whiteness, but if I looked 'more' Indian I'd experience a lot more discrimination. Nowadays, I identify as mixed-race but white presenting which has helped avoid a lot of awkward conversations. My Indian relatives are very westernised now, so me wearing traditional outfits might be considered OTT to them, and cultural appropriation to outsiders. Wearing my Grandma's hand-me-downs, her Indian gold jewellery and following her recipes is my way of acknowledging my heritage. I have a large tattoo of my Grandfather's buddha on my arm which makes me feel more connected to my Indian roots.

My Dad has said I should be grateful I don't look Indian and have not endured the racism he experienced growing up in London during the 70s. However, I have grown up witnessing my Dad and Grandparents get called 'Pakis', spat at and told to "fuck off back to your country" which is just so ignorant! My Grandparents came to England for a better life; they've never claimed benefits, have always paid their taxes and were even asked to move here as part of the post-war rebuild of Britain! It's scandalous how Britain treats migrants who have helped build this country! Brexit has seen a resurgence in ignorance and racism; my Dad still experiences racism - particularly if he has a beard - and he always gets stopped at airports. When I'm tanned in the summer, I often get "But where are you REALLY from?" as if the possibility of a mixed-race English person is inconceivable in the 21st Century! 

Growing up I had a really lovely childhood and feel blessed to have a mixed-heritage family. Coincidentally, my Uncle is from St Vincent so my two closest cousins are mixed black-white. I'm pretty sure we were the only mixed-race family in our village for the first 15 years of my life, which resulted in experiencing unconscious bias from a young age. Questions like, "What country were they adopted from?" and, "How can they be your cousins if you're different colours?" I've always considered mixed-race relationships to be the norm so can't understand why people think they're wrong or unnatural.

Growing up in a mixed family can be filled with contrasts. In the last few years I've learned there's a lot of secrets in my Dad's family - scandals, rumours of affairs and extended family members who're never mentioned- which is quite common within traditional Indian cultures. I've learned that my Grandma had a very sad life in India and was rejected by her family for being an only child (and female); had I known this when I was younger, I would've doted on her a lot more. In comparison, my Mum's family are all advocates of "forced fun" and sit-down family dinners. My Caribbean uncles and cousins are extroverted, rum lovers who cook the best curried goat. Food is a big part of our family (fussy eaters are not welcome or tolerated) and has been a useful way of blending the different cultures. From an early age I remember having a "white" Christmas day with my Mum's family and an "Indian" Boxing Day with my Dad's family. We'd always use the leftover turkey for a curry, which was delicious and my Grandfather would present us with Alphonso mangoes, fresh from India . I used to feel embarrassed at primary school by my packed lunches, as I'd sometimes get olives, an onion bhaji or some halwa alongside a marmite sandwich. I remember hiding my lunchbox on my lap whilst trying to secretly eat the food which my classmates considered "weird". Nowadays, I'm really proud of my 'cultured palate' and love talking to colleagues and friends about Indian dishes, sweets and cooking techniques.

Being mixed race has meant I’ve grown up with a greater understanding of and appreciation for diversity, despite the struggles with identity. I wish I’d had the chance to learn more about my heritage and embrace it at a younger age, but unfortunately, the treatment of mono-racial people towards my family affected that. The only thing I can urge parents of mixed-race children to do is encourage them to try foods and traditions from your cultural backgrounds. Give them lots of opportunities to spend time with relatives from both sides of the family; not only will they create lasting memories but develop a stronger sense of identity.

[2019. With my Nan, me on the far right again and four of my cousins at the same Aunt’s house as before. We don't often see each other so it was great to get this photo but it also demonstrates how much we get a long as a family and enjoy spending time with each other - some families don't have that.]