Sophie Argent

[1987. Taken on the day of my fifth birthday party. Typical eighties kid - I had quite a few birthday parties at McDonalds (even though we were vegetarians!) and my Mum had arranged this as my first big party with school friends and family. This photograph was taken in my grandparents house just before we were going which is why I looked so excited and happy. No matter what was happening, who was around and how much (or less)money we had, my Mum always managed to make every birthday and Christmas amazing for me.]

1982 | Wirral, UK | Indian & FRENCH

I was always aware that my background was a bit of a taboo in some circles, especially within the Indian community, being both mixed race and a child of divorce. I would often hear people make derogatory remarks about interracial marriages and how 'difficult' it is for the 'poor, confused, mixed kids.' There also seems to be this popular narrative that marrying outside your race means that you are not as proud of your heritage and have little regard for tradition and culture. My Mum has always been proud of her Gujurati roots and that did not change when she had a mixed marriage - she carried on many traditions as well as adapting to British culture and way of life. 

My Mum came to this country as a 16 year old with no qualifications that would be recognised in this country and from a very rural part of India. She came to the Wirral which did not have many Indian people and still retained her very Indian roots but also adapted. In addition, she managed over the years to attend University and get a law degree, working and studying at the same time as being a single parent and having sole financial and caring responsibilities for me. All of this, whilst also having to deal with the stigma of being a divorcee who some people tried to look down on. She has maintained a lot of dignity, pride and courage to do all of this in such a turbulent personal period of her life as well. My parents split up when I was a toddler so it’s been my mum who’s raised me. She immersed me in Indian culture - everything from food and dress to educating me on Hinduism and Hindu mythology. She was also a big fan of old Bollywood music and would often be blaring out classic Indian songs. Our home was adorned with “exotic” pictures of Hindu Gods and Goddesses and I remember one time a friend of mine being shocked and alarmed at the Hindu sign (Swastik) outside my house which she thought was the symbol the Nazis used. I had to explain that Hindus had it first and it was used as a sign of goodness and peace.  

I wish people understood that coming from a multi-racial background does not mean your identity is diluted or less valid than someone whose parents are of the same race/background. Culture and how you are brought up plays a very big part in identity - the fact I only have one parent who is Indian does not mean I have less cultural awareness than a person who is “fully Indian”. It is my right to engage with my culture as much as anyone else. I’ve been accused of trying too hard to be Indian or that I must be trying to be Indian because I’m ashamed of being white which I find so odd! I think people are comfortable with stereotypes; in their minds a person of Indian heritage speaks Indian languages, dresses in Indian clothes and practices Hinduism must look a certain way. I do all of these things but I am not in the package that most people expect. 

Often people are convinced that I look like I’m from a certain country - I actually once had a man in Dubai argue with my Mum that I was definitely Iranian and could not possibly be of an Indian/French background! What was strange is that I felt I was not addressed at all in this conversation - what he thought was right and final in the matter. Most people are not malicious when they say things but people do seem to be convinced of their own determinations. I’ve had people say I don’t look Indian and then I’ll go somewhere else and another person will ask me straight out if I have an Indian background. On occasion I have responded back in Gujarati when people have assumed I am white and that I cannot understand what they have said. The reactions have always been priceless! Responding that way has challenged assumptions more effectively than any perceived defensive reaction or lecture on my part ever could. I don’t expect people to know everything about my identity or blame people for not knowing where I am from, but I hope that in getting them to think through their assumptions, they may think again next time. What I feel more annoyed about is when people go on to test how Indian/French/European I am and think that can be worked out with a few questions. Once I tell you that I am half Indian and half French, it needs to be accepted. 

I feel being mixed truly is a blessing. It has given me a lot of advantages in adapting in different environments and also empathising with people from many different backgrounds. A substantial part of the mixed experience is learning to see things from different perspectives and so lends itself well to putting yourself in other people’s shoes. 

[2018. This was taken in my back garden. My aunt (back left) and mum (centre back) were reunited with their cousins from India. They hadn’t seen each other for over 40 years!]